Affirmation

The dictionary meaning of affirmation –

af-firm (uh fûrm’) v.
1.to assert positively; maintain as true: to affirm one’s loyalty.
2.to express agreement with; support; uphold.
[affirmare = af + firmare – to make firm]

Our life is full of affirmations like “have a nice day”, “wish you all the best”, “happy journey” etc. We like to wish the best to others and to even ourselves. Affirmation is a suggestion, a blessing, a well wishing which yearns to affirm goodness. The more we affirm, the more goodness we find.

Conversely, we may affirm negative also. Sometimes we affirm more negatives than positives. If we say, “You are so stupid”, we are making the other person think so about himself or herself. Over time this may become permanent!

To get the best out of our children we need to affirm their goodness and let go their negatives. The idea is when negatives occur let’s deal with the problem rather than the person. In fact affirmations turn negatives to positives.

The HOWs of Affirmations
Affirmations are simple positive statements, which are said REPEATEDLY as if they are true. Affirmations are best said to oneself. But, with children, they need to be initiated by the parents and will be carried on by the child. Hence, the key is to do it repeatedly. Affirmations are always told in present tense –
as if the child already has that virtue.

Let’s assume your child has stage fright. Everyday in the morning and at the night just say with a cheerful face, to your child, “Dear xxx, you are most confident on the stage”. Initially the child might get confused or even amused. Avoid any discussion by just saying that you believe so. If you religiously do so everyday and
every night, see the child start believing in himself – after all fright is a mental state.

Some examples:
From Parent to child:

• You learn easily and well
• You solve problems easily
• You are very confident
• You are responsible
• You do your work quickly and efficiently

Child to himself or herself:

• I absorb and understand with ease
• I am intelligent
• I succeed in whatever I try
• I am neat and clean
• I have beautiful handwriting

It is that simple. Keep in mind –

• Say it positively
• Say it as if it is already present.
• Say it genuinely and cheerfully

Please note none of the example use ‘I can’. A ‘can’ shows the possibility of one having it, while absence of ‘can’ shows that we already have it. This is important.

Also please do not confuse affirmation with appreciation and praise.

The WHYs of affirmations:
We all have a small brain called the conscious brain – which is the one that we consciously use to think, to see, to hear, to talk, etc. Thankfully we also have a huge almost infinite capacity brain called sub-conscious brain: The one that performs our digestion, that stores most of our memories, that makes us drive from home to office without realizing how we drove, etc. Most of our habits and responses are governed by the subconscious brain – that is why we are often not able to control them.

You would also realize how our negative repeated comments “You are so careless”; “You can’t do math”; “You are so naughty”; etc. might be making a permanent place inside our sub-conscious.

Now when we affirm ourselves repeatedly, the subconscious brain gets used to the message and starts believing in it. Once it starts believing, it starts acting, responding accordingly.

People who were continuously teased in their childhood (by siblings or friends)develop these deep scars. But the best news is that anytime we can overcome the negatives but persistently affirming the child. Called ‘layering’ – when a negative(emotion, memory, habit) gets repeatedly layered by lots of positives, the brain finally gives up the negative.

Some physiologists believe that affirmation work even when one is asleep. In sleep, while the conscious brain is asleep, the sub-conscious is awake. For smaller children they recommend that when they are asleep you should softly and most lovingly whisper such affirmations in their ears. They say that this done by mother
is most effective because sub-conscious brain was listening to mother’s voice since being in the womb.

Whether you believe in affirmation or not, the best things about affirmations is that since you say it over and over again, YOU START BELIEVING IN IT. And believe me, more than half the magic is done when parents believe of a certain virtue in their child. Suddenly minor imperfections disappear, any improvement
is lauded and child feels like a hero. What better environment for motivating the child! It is the best placebo effect that can happen in any home.

Remember flowers bloom where there is sunshine

Listen to the song (file attached). As Sunitha, one of the mother expressed ‘each child should sing this song‘.

affirmations and 100 ways to say Good shared by Sunitha, who deeply works on healing.

By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur