Good stems from bad. Goodness does not have any meaning without tasting the bad. Parents can celebrate all their worries of bad behavior of children. This is an opportunity to create good.
If you are a parent or a teacher or anybody who works with children – then it is important that you understand how and why every ‘bad’ news is actually a ‘good’ news.
Bad News of everyday and every family
- Your child is being bulled in the school.
- Your child has been lying to you about studies
- Your child has been scared of dark places and refuses to go into a room alone
- Your child has a habit of chewing nails
- Your child gives all the tiffin / snacks to friends
- Your child is watching too much TV
- Your child has been neglecting his homework or tests
- Any other behavior of your child’s that you may consider bad.
Why is every bad news a good news?
- Every bad news gives the child an opportunity to grow .Not just grow out of issues, but learn the ability to grow out of any issue the child faces anytime in life.
- Every bad news gives us (parents/ teachers) an opportunity to guide the child to realize the potential, the resources the child has within. To connect with the child not as a provider but as a catalyst for his or her growth, which is what we think is the really role of a parent.
- Every bad news is an opportunity to empower.
A new child (5.5yrs) was crying incessantly, missing her mother.
“Good news”, i said to myself. Here is an opportunity for her to learn how to accept and overcome one’s emotional lows.
I did not pacify her nor gave her any assurances nor tried to divert her mind into anything else.
After I had acknowledged her feelings for few minutes, I asked her what she wanted to do. She said she wanted to send an email and we together sent an email to mother (me as her verbatim stenographer). Feeling better she continued her day in a much better state.
Another day, the same child was crying again, missing mummy again. I decided to push her a little today, so I turned down her request to send an email (no more dependence on me) and asked her “What else can you do”. She said, “I keep thinking about her (mummy) and this thinking makes me cry. I will try not to think”.
After few minutes she came back, and said, “I cannot help but think about her and I think whole day I will be thinking about her only and hence crying whole day” Is it okay to cry whole day?
I said, “I am perfectly okay with you crying whole day”
“But am I allowed to cry in school” she was doubtful.
My co-facilitator pitched in, “Till your crying does not disturb others, yes, its alright to cry in school, as much as you want”.
Having accepted herself and her emotions, she soon settled down into the work for the day.
So, the seemingly bad news of crying / missing / being emotionally unsettled turned out to be the good news as she got an opportunity to engineer her own significant victory over herself.
Above is only one example, we can rant endlessly with stories umpteen on the magic of empowerment that we have experienced in the last many years that we have worked with all ages of children – right from one year toddler to teenagers.
Our wish
If only all parents could see each problem as opportunity.
If only all parents could see each difficulty as opportunity to learn.
If only parents could see each weakness as a source of strength.
If only all parents could see life itself as the best book to learn from.
If only all parents could see each bad news as a potential good news.
By Aditi and Ratnesh Mathur