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A lot of mothers frequently ask this question: What is the father’s role in unschooling and homeschooling?
Hi, I am Ratnesh from Aarohi Life Education. I am also a father of two children who have grown up without any school or college degrees, and are now successful adults and professionals. To answer this question, let us first step back and ask: what is a parent’s role? Once we understand that, we can see that the role of the father and the role of the mother are essentially the same.
The true role of a parent is simply to be themselves—not to start teaching, monitoring, or driving the child. If we do that, the whole purpose of homeschooling and unschooling is gone, and we might as well just send them to school.
The real purpose of a child being at home with their parents is for everyone to just be who they are. As a father, my job is to be with the child as me. Not as a teacher, director, or driver. Not as the hero or the villain of the child’s movie, but simply as a co-actor and a co-passenger.
What Can a Father Actually Do?
If we bring the focus back specifically to the father, what does this look like in daily life?
- Share Your Life: I can share what I am doing in my own life. I can talk about my office, my work, my interests, and my hobbies.
- Be Authentically Yourself: I can be available to the child as me—not playing a rigid role, but engaging through my own persona, my living style, my understanding, and my opinions. I share my opinions without posing them as absolute law; it is just my opinion, and they are free to have theirs.
- Keep the “Available” Board Open: I am always available for a conversation, for sharing, for supporting, and for helping. In fact, I think all dads should wear a T-shirt that says, “I am available.” It conveys to the child: I am here when you want me, rather than being nosy, picky, or naggy.
Stepping Out Into the World Together
A father is also there to bring the child out into the world. When I say “take them,” I don’t mean acting as their chauffeur. I mean introducing new ideas and interesting exposures.
It’s about saying, “Hey, let’s try this this weekend.” Maybe neither the father nor the child has ever climbed a tree, gone fishing, or played paddle ball. It’s about going out together to explore the beautiful world and meet new people.
Two Distinct Colors, One Shared Journey
“The child does not just get a single unit called ‘parents.’ They get two completely different individuals called mother and father, each adding a totally different color, vibrancy, frequency, and energy to the child’s life.”
Now, you might say, “But Ratnesh, all these things you mentioned are things the mother should be doing too!” And I would say: Exactly.
But the mother will have her own persona, her own style, her own thinking, and her own beliefs. The father will be different, and that diversity is the beauty of this journey. You even want them to experience the healthy disagreements and fights between a mother and a father—all the vibrant colors of life.
So, dear fathers, enjoy being a father. Enjoy doing things, making things, going places, and being you. Enjoy exploring what you like to explore, and enjoy exploring what your child likes to explore.
And as a father, remember to listen to the mother, too!
Whether your child is unschooling, home schooling, or even going to a conventional school, I hope this perspective helps you embrace your role.
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