Many times, we wonder “How did my child learn this? We never taught them that!”
During one such wondering journey I had a sharp realization that child is not doing anything new; that he is reflecting his environment in some or other form. He is selectively adopting all his learning that serves a purpose to him.
Here are few things my child learnt either from home or from others
Lying
We often value honesty, yet our daily shortcuts tell a different story.
– Tell them we have guests so we can’t attend this event
– I am in a meeting I will call later (How can i forget that)
– Tell you are 10 at ticket counter
– Don’t tell grandma the price
– I am not using my phone for entertainment but working on something
Not to accept mistakes
When things go wrong, do we show accountability or defensiveness?
– When a child gets hurt by a table, we hit the table and say, “Don’t you dare hurt my child!”
– When milk spilled while boiling on stove, I retort , how many things I will focus on”
– Today you forgot to add sugar in tea” – so what, it just happened one day. Cant you get up and add?
– Yes I shouted BUT you were making so much noise
– Me blaming the Manual if I cant assemble a toy / furniture
Blaming others
It is often easier to find a villain than to check our own habits.
– This phone suck it is so slow! Conveniently forgetting 23 apps and 87 tabs open
– I cannot find my keys because someone moved them
To fear failure
Our beliefs and images of failures often creates hurdle for child as well
– Don’t try that you will fall
– I refused to play football with him because I am not good
– Only showing the “best” paintings and hiding the ones that didn’t turn out well
to be mean
Small gestures that teach how we devalue others
– Comparing a child to a cousin or even a “perfect” version of ourselves
– Being nice to a boss but dismissive to a delivery partner
– Giving away a child’s toy to another child without asking for their permission first
not to be patient
Instant everything culture
– Constantly checking the phone the moment we have to wait for anything
– Finishing someone’s sentence because they are taking long
– Pressing the “Up” button with extra force when the lift takes longer than usual
– Calling the cab driver four times in five minutes to express irritation
Not to listen to your body
Disconnect with body signals
– Not allowing child to get his own food and forcing to take every grain from plate even when child’s body says “I am full”
– Saying “You’re fine” or “It doesn’t hurt” the moment they fall
– Skipping lunch and compromising sleep time to get more work done
the power of mirror
I am not suggesting “rights” or “wrongs.” I am simply becoming aware. My behaviors and expressions serve a purpose for me, and so they do for my child.
The realization isn’t meant to make us feel guilty; it is meant to empower us. If they can absorb our impatience, they can also absorb our calm. If they can absorb our blame, they can also absorb our accountability. Every moment is a new possibility to show them a different version of the world.
Another way to look at how environment shapes the learning