If I am hardworking, I may feel that my child is getting exposed to being hardworking. I may also expect unknowingly that not my child is exposed to “hard work”, my child too will imbibe this value of being hardworking. But I miss to see is that my child is also seeing the other side of being hardworking – giving up my joy, being mad for the work, driving people around me crazy, expect others also to be hardworking, push my agenda on others) – the chances are that my child may not like to be hardworking.
I grew up listening to “respect elders”, I also saw that respecting means not thinking, just blindly following, cannot question others, cannot speak my thoughts – I grew up being REBELLIOUS against all societal norms, rituals, listening to adults and so on… As I lived with experiences I saw beauty in LISTENING to others and then the respect came, I saw the beauty of CONNECTION in rituals and started respecting the people who follow rituals.
Well,
I could have continued to be rebellious
I could have been a blind follower respecting the elders
I could have been both or none
I hear this
“I respect elders, I feel heartbroken when my child is not respecting others”.
“Only way to reach success is hard work”
“If you follow this path, you get what you want”
“If you only do this…..
Many of our beliefs (maybe true for ourselves), not necessarily true for our kids also.
While we share our values with them, we cannot guarantee the result, or expecting that result can cause disappointment in us and that disappointment can lead to suspecting the abilities of the child and that suspicion can lead to losing TRUST in the child.
Do we get confused with Habits and Mind and TRUST?
When it is about developing the HOM of Respect or Hard work – the first things come in “what is the value do I have for myself?” And then goes on strategizing and then making it a practice. And when we look at tit from the SKILL point of view and not from a value point of view, our TRSUT in the CAPABILITY of the child continues – what do you say?
May like to read this Article – I AM NOT YOUR DREAM GRIL – https://aarohilife.org/home/resources/i-am-not-your-dream-girl