What I want to do


“Wonder what makes me not do what I want to do?” was the question this week in the beginning

Fear of failure
Anxiety to start
Competition with others
The expectation with self or others
Why do I need to do this?
What will be the outcome?
Fear of criticism
Fear of opinion

And a POEM ON FAILURE with Lakshita
failure is something – as pretty as a painting or a person
yet as we trot on with life
we like to cover it up
as does the painter
while he cries as sunshine perches on our faces
when we hear birdsong
why do we wail – when it knocks on our doos for a cup of tea

I actually managed to get lots of things done this week, I got quite far with my research, made good art and had fun, I was not able to play violin because I got hurt on my foot. I started documenting my research quite well and am also finding new ways to document it, and I found new facts and I got new resources. In my art, I learned how to do anatomy well and how to improve my outlining. I also ended up reading which was quite exciting since it helped me with my research and my brain just got really excited because I was getting exciting new information.

I felt anxious, stupid, scared, relaxed, joyful, energetic, successful, worthwhile etc
I felt anxious about how to make egg bhurji, what is madala art? what is this new chula. Felt worthwhile after eating the egg bhurji that woww it tastes soo good , while searching for a session on Thursday morning I got to learn about yoga (like it benefits your heart health, it helps in relaxing/sleeping) Felt energetic while doing the morning fitness like standing exercise, running, yoga, tree climbing. Felt stupid about an incident, i searched for my water bottle everywhere and at last, i found it on my bed Felt successful after creating a circuit, learning a slice in table tennis, making egg bhurji, after completing my mandala art. Felt frustrated when i was not able to finish the drawing and it was campus care when did stupid mistakes on throwball. Felt sorry when I talked loudly after the silence time when I was not able to get the basketball from the puddle the same day!! Felt joyful while doing music and learning my fav tune on the piano. Felt creative when I added my rhythms in the piano songs!! Felt thoughtful while creating a circuit, making egg bhurji, doing mandala art, and doing yoga!!

Singing – I did some singing of my favorite songs. It felt good to sing again. Resources used – my tab. From next week onwards I want to write the lyrics down.
Hindi – I read half of one book. I used a beginner stage book. I did it after a long time so it was a little difficult. I would like to do some writing on the weekend. I want to get some satisfaction after I do it. Would like to do 3 to 6 lines of Maths – I did some accounting and some percentage problems. The percentage problems were easy because I’ve done it before and got the hang of it.
Writing – I am unhappy because I couldn’t get to do any. I want to keep that as the main thing for next week as I have barely done any in the last month.
Art – I did little string art and Ink art but didn’t do any oil pastel or sketching. I found the string art challenging because it wasn’t coming out as I wanted it to come. Every time I tried something different I got a separate product. In ink art, I made a mistake in the drawing and couldn’t erase it so I came up with something entirely different which looked so pretty. |
Piano – I practiced most days and attended one class the other one I had to cancel because of travel. I went up 10 beats in tempo and adapted to the speed too. It felt good to play it again.
Crochet – Finished next layer and got the link for the guide for the next 2 layers. I made one before but with in-person guidance. This time it was a little harder but it feels good because you did it on your own. The wool and needle size is different this time too so that took a little getting used to