Understand the child


A parent asked “How does this reflection help me to understand my child?

It will be difficult to “understand the child” – this claim “understand child/you” is a “mirage or a trap” (good feel factor type).
The information which the child is giving you now will be soon outdated. As the child’s experience/feeling/thought will change next moment.

All you and I can do is understand ourselves at this moment (we may change/grow/evolve).
You know what were/are your thoughts/feeling after/before/during the incident
You know how they are changing after listening/talking/thinking/letting go etc
So you can understand yourself

However, we can also create an environment for a child/ others to discover self for self. By asking these questions (reflecting) you are just inviting your child to think/share (at the moment though). So per-se what the child is saying now is irrelevant to act upon to claim as “understanding”.

However, you may like to keep these invitations ongoing
What was new in this experience?
How did this change you?
Or to understand yourself more you may ask again “so now how are you feeling/thinking now? I am concerned/disappointed/indifferent etc etc”

The idea is not to get the answer or the response or understand the child but the invitation that the thinking can happen in many different ways and that’s the role we can play :). (Does this role sound exciting?)

If the questions (reflection) is to know what you want to hear – the chances are that the child will answer to you to take care of you (so you don’t get concerned) – in that sense the information given to you is not true, and your understanding can be not true and you will be fooled and then more disappointment and then many more traps …So why to even bother to understand the child?