Talking Sexuality


Lets Listen Sexuality

In a way, sex education is not about education, but about our sexuality.
In a way, education is not about studies, subjects, degrees, but about our life.

John Sinclair, the poet, once announced, a workshop on Writing. The huge hall was teeming with people, some even hanging on the windows for want of space.
Sinclair walks in and asks, “How many of you want to learn how to write”. Every hand in the hall goes up.
He continues, “Then go home and write”. And saying that he walks out. End of workshop.

Isn’t that true about almost everything – we just need TO DO. Learning, understanding and growth will follow. And so will happiness.When it comes to preparing children for sexuality (or sex-education) and sexual safety – its the same. The problem is that, with children, we do nothing about this aspect of our life.All we need to do isTALK.
Talk regularly, talk whenever opportunity knocks, talk when the opportunity doesn’t.Here, (and in most cases in life) Talk does not mean giving gyan, rather means to tolisten, discuss, reflectwith the child.Listening (or Active Listening) to me has three components:Connect, Clarify and Expand.First I need toconnectwith the child, acknowledge what he or she is feeling, doing, intending. (“You are curious”)Then I can ask questions that willclarifythe child’s thinking by accessing more details. This clarification will not only help me understand the child but more importantly, it will help the child understand self. (“Tell me more”)I can further the conversation by asking questions, or providing info or stories or ideas to the child who can use them as triggers toexpandthinking. (“What about this”).Let’s take few examples:

Child asks, "What does 'fuck' mean?"
Connect, “Ah, you heard this word somewhere and you are curious about its meaning”
Clarify, “What do you think it means? Where all you have heard? In what context people use this word” etc.
Expand, “Let us think what words we know which mean one thing, but people use it in different ways”What words we use when we are angry? What are our views about abusive language? etc

Child is watching an unacceptable video (with sexually explicit content)
Connect, “You seem to be curious about sexuality” “These kinds of videos can be exciting to watch”
Clarify, “What all you liked in this video? What was interesting? What questions you have? What other videos would you like to see?” Etc
Expand, “Would you like to know why people do these kinds of things? What all is exciting to me in my life, let me think? Do you know what is prostitution or that people are paid for acting in this kind of videos”. Etc

You all are going to a family wedding, and with so many people around, you want your child to be sexually safe 
Connect, “You are excited about the marriage function”. “You might be excited or nervous about meeting so many relatives there”
Clarify, “Who all you are looking forward to meeting? Who all you wish not to meet? What all feelings come to you when you think of the people in marriage” Which actions of relatives, in past, you have not liked. What are you wishing they will do / not do with you.” etc.
Expand, “Let’s think in what ways we can engage with relatives. What all we could do with them, learn from the. What all we could teach. What kind of actions you think people can do which you will not like to happen. What would you do if somebody does those? EtcNotice in most of the above, we arelistening, actively. We are neither preaching nor patronising them.If you think this post is useful, valuable – then pay for it.
Pay for it by posting, for all of us, two examples of active listening.

1. First one you can write about a situation that recently happened (You may or may not have done active listening, but now you can!)
2. Second one you can write about a situation that you think would happen / or on a safety topic.
Waiting for your posts