Message to the child

Who is in control?

  • “Finish the whole bowl” (whether you are hungry or not).
  • “Go to sleep” (whether you are sleepy or not).
  • “Say hello to Uncle” (whether you like uncle or not).
  • “Stop playing at once” (whether you want to play or not).
  • “Share your toys with your new friends” (whether you want to or not).
  • “Complete the homework” (whether it makes sense or not)
  • “Stop crying at once” (whether you feel terrible or not)

Message to the child – You are NOT in control of yourself. I am.

Who decides; Who thinks?

  • I will explain this to you” (you cannot figure it out yourself)
  • “Use this to make you feel better” (you need not think or your ideas are not worth it).
  • “Give this to me – you are too small to do this” (the result is more important than your attempts)
  • “Now stop crying. I will help you find your pencil box” (you are not capable of managing your emotions or your things)
  • “No, no that’s not right. Here I will tell you why that happens” (I know the correct answer)

Message to the child – What YOU feel and think is not as important as what I think. What I think is something that you need to follow; What I think is correct.

Who is the Judge?

“Show me your work” (I need to approve it).

  • “This is nice” (I decide what is nice).
  • “Show me again” (Only when I am satisfied it is done).
  • “This is important for you” (I decide the value of something).
  • “Eating with hands is not good manners” (I know what is good and what is bad).
  • “I am proud of you” (It is important that I be proud of you)
  • “You are so impatient” (I declare the kind of person you are)

Message to the child – You need to be appraised, assessed, judged, and even praised by me. Look for my approval – that is the path to learning and happiness.