How to comply

Is it sometimes difficult getting your child to do what you want him or her todo? Do you often get exasperated over compliance? Did you wish you had some
magic wand to get your child to follow you? Here is an insightful article foryou – “How do I get my child to comply?”:How do I get my child to comply?

Well, the answer lies in this paradox:

If you want to lead the children, become a follower first!

Our son, Ian, was just five years old. It was his bedtime, and toys were allover the living room. “Ian,” I said, “you need to pick up all those toys before
you go to bed.” “Daddy,” he said, “I’m too tired to pick up my toys.” My immediate inclination was to force him to clean up the room. Instead, I wentinto the bedroom, laid down, and said, “Ian, come here. Let’s play HumptyDumpty.” He climbed up on my knees and I sang, “Humpty Dumpty sat … had a great fall.” And he fell. Ian laughed and said, “Let’s do it again.” After thethird “fall,” I said, “Okay, but first go pick up those toys.” Without thinking he ran into the living room and in two minutes finished what could have taken half an hour. Then back on my knees he repeated, “Daddy, let’s do it again.” “Ian, I thought you were too tired to pick up those toys.” He answered, “I was, daddy, but I just wanted to do this!”

We can finish any job when we have the“Want to!” Thank you Mr Slatter forsharing this lovely learning. With most children it’s a matter of timing. It’s
not that they don’t want to do it, its just that they want to do something elseRIGHT NOW. Impulsive as most children are, once the initial urge is over, once
the satisfaction is in, we can then get them to do anything (else).

The critical issue here is that werespect and accept their “current (excited)
state of mind
“. Anything against this “desire” is going to meet with resistance.The big idea is to quickly diffuse this mental state and bring down the
excitement levels. Give them a taste of it. Preferably, share it with them:Lets say the child has to get ready to go out, but is delaying in moving away

from the TV. “Just one more minute mumma”, is the repeated request.Try this: “Ok dear, only one more minute. But I will watch with you”. Now,

become her: Watch the show with the same fascination. Lap up each frame. Say “wow” with her; giggle with her; frown with her. Enjoy the next minute exactly as she is doing. Do it sincerely. This isPACING.Its like first ‘matching our pace’ with theirs. Once we are in sync with them, its much easier for us to lead them to a different direction.

Mr. Slatter above did the critical PACING so effectively. That is the bigvictory. Consequently, it is remarkably easy to LEAD. Once we have paced the
child, she is far more open, far more ready, to do what we want her to do.Through understanding, empathy and sometimes intuition pace your child. This
investment will yield high results.

Let me end with a small note from great educationist ‘Peter Kline’ (from hisbook “The Everyday Genius”)

“The key to education is adapting teaching to the way we naturally learn.Derived from Latin ‘educere’, education means, “to lead out from”. The task,
then, is not to impose learning on the young, but to lead out from theirinfinitely resourceful minds those things that will best serve the emerging
creative personality.And what are they? Sensitive listening and interpretation will discover them.

Attend to your little one’s babblings, behavior and wonderment as you wouldwatch a spider weaving a web or an artist at the easel. Observe the emerging
design. Try to make out the image this newly forming mind is offering to showyou. Expect nothing – but await expectantly!”

By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur