Here are 10 MYTHs – which we think are unnecessarily making parents anxious.
Now we are sure you would not like to gift your child an anxious parent. 🫣 So lets discuss each of these deeply, so that we can rest some of our anxieties.
Needless to say a more detailed discussion can happen in our Saturday zoom meetups.
MYTH #1: As Parents we think that we are responsible for the child’s future / career / happiness / life.
Really?
Isn’t the child responsible for his or her life?
Even more important isn’t the child capable of being responsible?
And even if the child is not yet capable, wouldn’t we rather make the child capable then getting into manufacturing (or safeguarding) the future / career for the child.
What do we want for our child – a lighter load or a stronger back?
When our daughter, Asawari was 9-10 yrs – we parents took her interests in art, dance, writing so seriously that for about an year we were running, no actually burning ourselves out trying to get her successful! 🤦🏽♂️
Then we realised – oh we are totally missing her responsibly for herself.
U-turn > We made her the heroine of her own movie.
No looking back – she never gave 10th or 12th, no college, no degrees, no nothing.
Now she is 26, married, and continuing to enjoy the biggest responsibility she has – her life.
Myth #2: Childhood is a part of life where one prepares for the future.
Really?
Isn’t childhood just another part of life to be lived.
Don’t we learn and live and learn and live all of our life, continuously evolving.
When we focus on what we are doing, learning, enjoying, exploring NOW then I would say the future kind of enfolds itself.
In some ways irrespective of what we do now, the future would be unpredictable.
So the choice is to chase the future or invest into child exploring self Now.
Our son (who had never been to school) decided at 13 to pursue football. Next 4.5 yrs- he did football 24/7. No 10th, no 12th, no college, no degrees. He would not even come for holidays with us – no missing his football.
Few months after his 18th b’day he declared, “Enough of football”. Within a week of this announcement he was deeply diving into Digital marketing.
Nearing 20, now he is social media professional – learning by earning!
We believe: To deeply invest into one’s life NOW, is perhaps the most amazing gift we can give to our children
Myth #3: As parents we think we know what the child needs in the future.
Really?
Neither do we know the child’s future, nor the knowledge & skills required, nor the ambitions, designs, priorities, plans of life that would (not so uncommonly) change or shift in future.
Since we DON’T know would it not be better that chid explores how to lead herself. So that wherever she lands up – she can lead herself.
So many of us (including we – Aditi & Ratnesh) are professionally doing something so different from from degrees we collected in our cupboard.
I wish I had studied less and gone trekking more; written exams less and poems more; lectures less and theatre more.
Having realised, we gift, not future, but joy to our children.
MYTH #4: As parents we think we know what are safe choices and we think our child would be better off with these so-called safe choices.
Really?
Are there any safe choices?
And by definition if all run towards these safe choices, will they even remain safe?
and
Do we want the child to follow the plan or lead herself?
Do we want the child to live out of safe choices or own choices?
Sriya, after 12th liked design. But unsure what in designing.
Sriya could try getting into design college – beaten path.
Or she can experience diff design domains by doing actual industry work.
Her parents preferred LATER – since it will strengthen her from inside.
At 21 she’s enjoying exploring design, while finding the leader in herself.
Myth #5: As parents we think pressure is necessary for a child to develop optimally
Really?
- Rigour yes, pressure no.
- Discussions yes, right & wrong no.
- Work hard yes, hard work no.
- Choices, ideas & suggestions yes, compulsion no.
- Intensity yes, destiny no.
- Challenge yes, constraints yes, conditioning no.
- Coaching yes, refereeing no.
Most parents actually end up even pressurising themselves. Do you?
For last one month, 3 year old Vyom has been in Aarohi campus and has allowed me to observe him.
I can see is that he is all the time leading his learning in some zillion aspects / subjects of life. Almost all his learning is joyous.
Whenever he feels pressure he freely cries or throws tantrums. He refuses to take pressure.
I am sure he knows that this will affect his learning, his growth, his joys, his life.
I wish we all parents could learn this from these tenacious terrific toddlers – who are all natural open learners!
MYTH #6: As parents we think we may not be able to help them in future, so help them now.
Really?
In most cases they do not need our help.
What they need is us believing in them and their choices.
We can really help them by not helping them.
- They can help themselves by turning interests and passions into professional possibilities.
- They can help themselves by using their strengths to carve their life (just like we don’t use the blunt edge of the knife, we use the sharp edge.
- They can help themselves by finding their resources, their coaches and mentors, their opportunities
- They can help themselves by driving their destiny in their own styles of working, doing and learning – which need not be similar to yours or mine styles.
In a fundamental way, when we believe in them, then they prepare a unique self for a unique journey of their life.
Just this year EIGHT teenagers from eight different fields (with no educational qualifications) got internship in their industry on their own.
We simply helped them, by not helping them.
MYTH #7: As parents we may think conventional education is balanced, while open learning is not.
Really?
Conventional education is perhaps more skewed – towards I’m not sure what objective, skewed to certain kind of children, skewed towards teaching than learning and skewed towards tests and exams showing who is better than who.
Open learning is typically inside out and hence it is not trying to balance anything, it is trying to help us live fully!
Open learning, like life, is a masala mix!
It invites the child to mix all explorations, so that he gets a wide view of world and self.
Also knowledge, conceptual understanding and skills are typically based on experiences meaningful to the child.
When Advay of Aarohi was 11years, he did the whole accounts of Aarohi Trust for a year – right from doing all ledger entries to making the Balance sheet and P&L for the CA.
Neither he had any prior schooling, nor teaching, nor was he subjected to subjects (like maths.)
He learned the ways, along the way!
Myth #8: If we do not worry the child will take life easy and will suffer soon.
Really?
When all we can say after 22 years of working with atleast 16K+ children is that:
- Children, perse, don’t want to take it easy.
- Most like challenges when their vision is clear or
- When they are in the zone of their interests.
So rather than worrying we focus on understanding their interest and with them co-creating challenging exciting opportunities.
When Aparna (now 15) started her open learning at Aarohi three years back – she would spend days and week looking and being lost. We gave her space through acceptance.
Slowly she initiated her doing via her first interest – Art.
Then followed a whole lot of doings including being Kitchen Manager at Aarohi campus for a year. Now she is high on initiative, responsibility and leadership, as she enjoys her multiple interests.
As parents we need to stop worrying by enjoying what children enjoy doing!